In the realm of boy-girl relationships, there’s namely two types of betrayal – emotional betrayal and physical betrayal.
Emotional betrayal is when you were supposed to love someone but end up falling for another. This is a matter of emotions and the actions of betrayal may not have been worked out yet.
Physical betrayal is when you were supposed to be loving someone and any intimate things you do is reserved for him/her only, but you did otherwise.
Now, the grand question of this is, which is more unforgivable to you – emotional betrayal or physical betrayal.
It’s quite unusual for me because where matters of the heart are concerned, the heart should be the most important right?
Wrong, in fact I can stand emotional betrayal to a certain extent but not physical betrayal. Weird thinking, I know.
One point is that emotional betrayal can be reversed but not physical betrayal. You can fall back in love with the same person you were in love with, but physically, whatever you have done with the other person has already happened and would still have happened, no matter what you do.
Furthermore, emotional betrayal may be sub-conscious or your significant other (SO) may not even realized, hence, nobody may know even if you have betrayed your SO emotionally.
This topic has always been featured heavily in my mind and in recent weeks/months, it has been extremely prominent. Now as I’ve blogged about earlier, Alan has broke up with her and patched back with me.
I see the things he’s been telling her similar to what he told me. Barring aside whether the method is correct or not, I fear that the same can happen again. That is, him telling me all those callous things that he did and now patching back with me. The same can happen with them even when he tells me otherwise.
Humans love to predict the future even if they could not. We take our experiences from similar situations and apply it on new circumstances. In the same way, I like to predict the future even though it’s useless mostly and very upsetting. I think of the things that had happened between us and it’s similar to him and her in some ways and it upset me that they might patch back just like us even though he assured me that’s impossible. How good are assurances and promises when previous ones have been broken?
Trust has to be earned back. I can’t help thinking every single day, what they did, what he did to me, what he told me, all the pain he has caused with his words and actions, what he is doing now and what is going to happen in the future.
A stupid or contented person (depending on which side you see it) will just enjoy whatever happiness she has now and not worry about things that she might not be able to control. But me being me, just love to do that. Sigh. I really hate it.
I’m not saying I’m perfect of course. But I do wonder why he can’t love like me. When I love him, I really do. Ask my friends, how crazy over guys in general I am and how I tend to flirt/talk with every guy I meet. But once we are together, I’ve never once actually go and look at a guy and go my usual – how cute he is or what. I will make an effort to be faithful and when I think he is being unreasonable, I will sit back and look at what went wrong and whether I’m to be blamed. I just wish he could treat our relationship with the same respect and love that I’m giving in.
Maybe he has changed but I can’t helped wondering can I?
The thinking is driving me nuts frankly and useless to say the least. The thought of whether he betrayed me physically is driving me nuts.. The emotional stuffs I can heck care because I know it has happened. But physically, I’m just gonna faint soon. haha.. nah i’m kidding.. Well..
Nowadays I keep telling myself that forgiveness is the best gift I can give to him and myself and hence everytime I think of it, I will tell myself that to calm down. The fact that he seemed so unaffected by it just makes me annoyed.
There was a time when I thought he was as idealistic and as naive as me with regards to love. Till death do us part.. And The One so as to speak.. But it turns out that I was in my own world. In the real world, his world, when one partner doesn’t make it, just change. There’s plenty to speak of anyway. Nobody has the commitment to make things work anymore. Is love really so tiring and worthless to make the effort?
If you love a person enough, you should always make the effort. And it hurts thinking that just because something he perceived went wrong between us, he just let it go and found a new one so easily.
It hurts. A lot.
