Rambler

i think i just embarrassed myself i was rambling on to this person i just added onto MSN and it’s all alan’s fault.. because he’s sleeping i’ve no one to talk to at this hour that’s why i was rambling on.. grrr

but anyhow sgforum topics are damn funny.. just see the way they describe incidents in singlish it’s hilarious i tell you..

phew finally the weekend passed.. i’m so tired from work.. work and more work.. but money’s good.. at least we have enough to pay for the car and rent and stuffs..

2 weeks to attachment.. grr

wow this is the first time ever that i’ve seen that someone speak a single singlish word.. hahah..

yay tomorrow’s my last paper.. but argh i dont have anyone who’s free to go out.. cause everyone either have work or exams.. =.= i think i have so much expectations of myself in the past that now i’ve completely given up on my studies.. because it’s like if i dont get Bs and above, i feel as if i’m not performing as I should and I feel guilty.. like damn bloody guilty cause i didn’t study at all.. and yet i don’t see the need to in a way.. because i keep telling myself that i’m passed the stage where i want straight As but yet i crucify myself daily for not.. argh.. conflicted

i had two of my papers yesterday and then i sort of slept through today. sigh.. i’m a pig.. i just didn’t feel like going out and dressing up and stuffs

well at least my last paper is on friday and then i’m free to do whatever.. the more you sleep the more tired you become yeah.. i’m so totally shag right now.. anyway there’s this page on rare cards in singapore in sgforums.com i think.. totally cool looking at all the lambos and ferraris heh

Screwed exams

Alright I’m having a hard time coming up with titles for my entries but I like them titled better.. I’ve two papers tomorrow but I haven’t studied any yet.. Yikes.. I seriously think I’m so slack. I get so enthusiastic when doing my A level chemistry stuffs but when it comes to my own work, I’m like whatever..

Yesterday I went Spaghettis(is that how you spell the name) with ZH & YL. so anyway there was this one for one thing and so we got the cheaper dish free.. but the food was good heh.. and they kept eyeing my seafood.. so after that we walked around and went to chill at clarke quay’s tcc.. wow that’s a hell lot of people there at night.. and the ambience was good heh.. but sheesh damn ZH kept spoiling mood by insulting me the whole night

Oh yeah I finally found the car I’ve been looking for so I shall just post the picture below.. It’s a normal nissan fairlady cept that the bodykit is specially made.. so means more money needed! anyhow remove the spoiler from the picture please, i’m not a beng..

had a great time tonight meeting up with them (ern, choons, and ern’s nicholas) ha ha.. let’s see to summarise.. we met at ding tai feng in raffles place. and i had to drive away raffles place for like 15 mins to find the carpark which was tucked in a bloody corner. grr.. but anyway food was alright there.. we ordered so much that ern had to ask nicholas to come over to eat.. but it was great meeting and yes ern, he passed the ahem, test

so after that we went over to this place at bt timah.. it’s a bit like rochester and dempsey.. the food was great but very very expensive.. and the people were quite nice too.. we orded like tapas and drinks and cakes and it came up to like $125.. ouch.. but too bad the place closes at 1030.. that’s damn early..

so we drove to dempsey cause ern never been there i think.. and just basically walked around.. it’s quite cooling there but ive only been there like once or twice.. and i finally get to see oosh.. saw this lambo but as usual it’s darn ugly heh..

then we drove to rochester and ermm it was done in like 1 min.. cause as whoever said just now “you do know that rochester is meant for walking and not driving through right” hahah..

so after that i drove each of them home.. bathed and now i’m back to smelling nice

i so do hate my hair.. it’s damn errr.. must think of new hairstyle.. got to sleep soon.. having class at 1230 tmr..

False hopes

I was telling my roomie how I missed the feeling of an lian-ing somebody. But after two days of tryouts, I decided I like the feeling of in love better. Having a crush can only give you false hopes and as much as you enjoy the other person’s replies and companionship, it certainly can’t beat the companionship of someone who loves you and someone whom you love.

So bye, until the next time I feel bored.

Conversations

I’ve no idea why I’m suddenly so restless these days. I haven’t felt this way for at least a year.

So I was talkin to my friend on MSN and he was telling me how the MSU girls cannot make it this year, as usual. So I mean this kind of competition, no matter how much credibility you try to give it, it’s always gonna appear not so credible.. So you know, might as well show us the really gorgeous ones instead of having a balance of beauty and brains.. me and my friend’s opinions that is..

i mean there’s always ways to prove your intelligence but MSU is so not the way to do it because c’mon the Q & A is somewhat rehearsed and I can’t for the life of me see how people can see how intelligent you are based on those few lines you spout on stage…

Anyway I can’t seemed to find the car I want. Most if not all of the nissan 350z cars in singapore are of a certain model. but one fine day (i’ve repeated this story to alan a dozen of times ha ha), i was driving along the expressway when i suddenly saw in my side mirror this black sports car driving up beside me.. it’s so bloody gorgeous.. and the shine on it is so.. awesome.. ive seen plenty of ferraris and lambo but this is the first time im so in awe of the car.. haha.. and it’s a nissan and i wasn’t sure if its a fairlady although that’s the only model sold in sg i suppose..

i just finished my marketing paper just now.. and argh i hate the paper.. because the questions are so straight-forward that it’s hard to think of what to write and thus i don’t think i’ll do that well.. accountancy exams are hard to fail.. but just need effort for As.. which i don’t have of cos..

got to prepare this week’s tuition assignments but i just can’t bring myself to move.. i shall ramble on later..

Post-mortem

Sometimes I feel really afraid to blog because I’m afraid of getting flamed unnecessarily or having friendships ruined, etc, simply because I want to tell myself how I feel (in a public place though). Sort of like an examination of my own thoughts, actions, etc…

Anyway I always get pissed when Alan is pissed. And it so happen that yesterday he got pissed and then I got pissed and my sleep is ruin but now everything’s good.. I think the both of us are nuts.. We simply love to anger each other for the hell of it..

Tomorrow’s gonna be my first paper and I haven’t studied anything. But I feel okay, perhaps arrogant as usual, because well it’s a simple subject and all my papers are open-book and you know. Although it should probably make me feel better if I did studied a little for the paper..

I’m just so bored (not in the nothing to do way) … I’ve got a class at 7 then it’s back home.. Nowadays it’s just the office, home and school.. boring boring life.. Anyhow my dog’s damn adorable yesterday. I was going off yesterday from home so I went into the lift and he followed me in and just sat there like he’s going off with me and my dad had to carry him out.. so bloody cute.. sigh he’s getting old though.. that means ….

Anyway I just miss my friends. I miss sec school, jc… uni is just so sucky because it’s so hard to get to know new people and expecting them to like you just the same and becoming good friends ya da ya da..

Alright off to prepare for my weekend classes..

The Happiness of Unhappiness.

It’s so wrong and yet so apt to feel so reluctantly unhappy, yet blissfully happy in this relationship.

I’ve asked myself many times (old habit) that if I had the choice of a guy who can have all of his good qualities and more, would I choose him or that guy, the answer is always the same. Yet, at times, I feel so deprived in this relationship, so unsatisfied sometimes. He always managed to take my mind off things but the thoughts come back once again, always.

I’ve always managed to somehow analyse all my thoughts and know exactly the reason why I act or feel in a way, so hence a blog, to break them all down so I can analyse even more. ha ha.

The reason why I feel deprived is partly in general due to the age difference. Not the literal thing but rather as a consequence. Due to him being older, he will be andi is working his ass off day and night. I cannot demand his time like a normal girl of my age can in that sense. In a way, our relationship is more mature than it is supposed to be, not that it is necessarily good or bad. Good more I guess. Anyway, we hardly if ever go out, not that the both of us particularly like to go out to shop or whatever, but sometimes, you just feel the need for a breather or some, and he is always so tired or busy or troubled. The weight of our relationship is so heavy sometimes. I guess it is rather frivolous of me because sometimes I feel the need to be a teenager again, to just forget about money woes, or whatever not and just go shopping and stuffs. For him, however, it’s always about worries. Loans, bills, problems…

Most of our quarrels, if not all, are due to the fact that he is always so busy with work and I just want to spend some time together. Now he has dragged me into this whole saga and I find myself busy with work commitments, studies, exams, attachment and so on…

I was remarking to him some time back about how we were rich in our own rights when we weren’t together, but now that we are, we are deep in debt. ha ha.. in a way, we spend more as a couple than we ever do (most of the time) alone.

but the thing perhaps I like most about him or about our relationship rather, is the fact that I can talk about stuffs to him, without the usual “wth, why are we talking about such chim stuffs,” and so on. It’s like we can discuss religions, history, politics and everything and it’s always so meaningful and enriching. We share similar beliefs and we aren’t anal about most stuffs which make us perfect disccusion mates.

Anyway, the point of this post is because perhaps due to him being so busy recently and me as well, I find myself occupied with watching Taiwanese dramas on youtube which led me to think of someone I haven’t quite thought about for some time. Oh well, I always find it amazing how I can remember someone’s birthday for the past 5 years maybe and suddenly I didn’t even remember his birthday until a day later in 2006.

The power of distractions is so damn great. When I’m busy I just forget about everything in the world. Not that I’m missed much. I mean my friends have their own lives to lead and perhaps if they didn’t understand me well enough they would assume I didn’t give a damn about them. Shrugs. I tried. I tried to remember. To ask after. Bad memory is my woe..

That day I did remember and so I asked after a few people. This friend replied in a rather bland, i-rather-not-talk-to-you, i-don’t-really-know-you that-well tone and I continued to sound so chirpy I feel like slapping myself. because seriously I make the effort but you just don’t respond. You can never please everyone I guess.

Anyway maybe we are just too different I guess. When I have problems, which usually flood me most of the time anyway, I tend not to make a big deal out of them because like it or not it’s going to be here. Some people however, will make a great deal out of it and make it sound like a life-threatening situation. Anyway it’s different from complaining. I like to complain as well so I don’t mind when people complain but just don’t really like it when people allow others to see their weaknesses in a bad way. Argh no idea what I’m saying.

Nowadays, I tend to be more cold to people, whether I know them well or not because I’m tired of being nice to people and showing them the real side of me and them coming to backstab you or criticise you and stuffs. I’ll rather be called a loner or whatsoever than having to undergo all those stuffs that I can really do without. I mean even him sort of backstab me once and I had to chant to myself that no one’s perfect and I should accept him as he is to prevent myself from telling him I want to break up and to be able to forgive him and look past all of the stuffs.

I think I’m better off watching the Taiwanese dramas, at least I won’t be so troubled and think too much.

Anyhow if anyone bothers to read this, would you pleasee leave your birthdays as a comment with your initials or something because frankly I don’t remember Alan’s hp no. even though I call him like at least 4 times a day and of course I won’t be able to remember my friends’ birthdays. bane of my life..